I had been conflicted for months on end – fighting a constant battle between my mind and my heart, which were both pulling me in two separate directions. I had to take a step back time and time again to gain a new perspective and decide what the next step in my life’s journey was going to be. I needed something, anything, to challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone – and it did.
It’s interesting – I can’t tell you how many people today ask me how can I possibly be so happy all of the time. To help answer that, I still have moments of weakness, everyone does, so don’t let my overwhelming bursts of happiness and positivity fool you completely. But it’s through my weakest and darkest moments when I had felt at my absolute lowest, I did not allow myself to give up or let the fight win. I would fight the darkness and the negativity back with everything in me.
After I had accepted the loss and was no longer suffering from the aching, grieving pain, I knew in my heart that I wanted to take on everything this life has to offer; the expected, unexpected, crazy plot twists and turns, and challenge all of it right back.
This past year and a half has challenged me in more ways than I could have imagined; pushed me to limits I didn’t know existed; and healed me in nearly every way possible. I’ve learned that although I’ve suffered from great loss, I’ve also gained more than I could ever hope for. It’s because of loss and grief that I’ve learned to live my life for those who can no longer live theirs on this earth with us. I’ve learned that you can’t anticipate the next move life is about to make, so you have to decide how you’re going to take on each move, each and every day — regardless of the outcome.
I didn’t let life’s hardships and setbacks win – I let my heart win. I let happiness win. I let love, forgiveness, and kindness win. I have found perspective in who I am, what I believe in, and how I choose to view life every day. I choose happiness, love, forgiveness, and kindness – I choose to live out these emotions and act upon each for the ones I’ve lost who have made my world a better place, and for the unknown journey that lies ahead.