And The Funny Thing Is, It’s Okay

And The Funny Thing Is, It’s Okay
I’m finding myself at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it’s okay.

I have very quickly learned over a relatively short amount of time that no matter how well put-together our lives may seem on paper, there are just some things that are completely out of our control, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise. No matter how hard we try to do our absolute best to make sure that we’re doing everything right, sometimes it’s just not in God’s plan for the stars to align the way we envision.

Take being a perfectionist in every aspect of life, as I am, for example. No matter how many times we try to do what we believe is the right thing or the best thing in every situation, sometimes the outcome is too far beyond what we could ever imagine. Sometimes, the most difficult pill to swallow is coming to the realization that the outcome is just too far beyond any measure of understanding or comfort. Sometimes, the outcome is too complex to provide an answer to our #1 question: why?

That’s where it hits the hardest.

I don’t like being uncomfortable. I do, but only when I want and need to learn more about this world. Only when I want and need to challenge myself in this world.
I don’t like being uncomfortable because of the who, what, when, and why’s of my world left unanswered. I don’t like being uncomfortable because of the suffering that stems from unanticipated outcomes; the suffering left behind from the who, what, when, and why’s of my world left unanswered. 
Even when it’s demanding, emotional, and mentally exhausting to attempt to draw some sort of conclusion in order to put the pieces back together, sometimes all we can do, sometimes the best thing we can do is believe. Believe that there has got to be a greater purpose for why these unanticipated outcomes exist in our world. I’ve learned enough from my mistakes, comebacks, trial, and errors to know that sometimes the unexpected outcomes that surround our world just might have a greater purpose behind their existence.
I said I’ve learned enough to know, I haven’t quite learned enough to accept this just yet.
I believe in good karma; although trying to keep things light and positive in the face of trial and evil, I’ll call it good juju. I believe that doing the right thing leads to great rewards. I believe that being a good human being brings wealth and prosperity — in life, love, and good health.
I don’t like being uncomfortable. I do, but only when I want and need to learn more about this world. Only when I want and need to challenge myself in this world.
I don’t like being uncomfortable because of the who, what, when, and why’s of my world left unanswered. I don’t like being uncomfortable because of the suffering that stems from unanticipated outcomes; the suffering left behind from the who, what, when, and why’s of my world left unanswered. 
All I can do, all we can do, is continue to hold our head high; to continue to do the right thing. To be a decent human. To learn to accept that our world doesn’t always align with our personal timelines. Sometimes, our world has its own timeline, sometimes our world has its own unanticipated outcome in mind. While I still don’t have answers to my personal unexpected outcome, I’ve come to the realization that it will be okay. Because even if I don’t know it yet, there is a reason for the #1 why of my world that exists.
I’m finding myself at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it’s okay.
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1 Comment

  1. Shirley Prom Loebel
    November 28, 2018 / 1:07 pm

    Alexa, when I lost my teaching jobs 5 years in a row because I was the last one hired, and the first one to be laid off, it was devastating. I loved teaching. I taught 9 subjects in 5 years at 4 different schools, Jr. and Sr. High. My mother died the 4th year, and Kenny moved to the dorms also, so I was a time of great loss. I was 48 years old, going nowhere and my kids were going somewhere and husband had a thriving job he loved. It was a terrible time. Serendipity or “divine intervention” caused me to see one day the application for law school that I’d had for 3 years. I opened it and found that the last LASA test would be givin that Sat. I filled out the form Friday night,k went and took the test, applied for Marquette Law School and at age 49 I went. It was a great challenge at a difficult time, but it was like this was the only bus coming and if I didn’t get on it I was going nowhere.

    When I look back, now, it tells me that if I had never had that terrible time, and had not had faith in myself, I would never have stretched myself and learned that I could have done it! I was only one of 3 that year to make “law review” which is an honor that I really did not want, but am so proud that I did it!

    I tried one more time to get a teaching job, and was hired by Waukesha (again another serendipity story) and taught there for 13 years before retiring at 62. I know I could have been a ;lawyer but my great love was teaching and I am so grateful for that opportunity AND the opportunity at the Summerfield UU Church to be able to go back to my great love of music, by playing that piano for 14 years before coming here. So I have been blessed with many unexpected things that came from difficult times.

    Hang in there! LOVE, Grandma

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